Anyone concerned about their failure to “do their part” in “preventing climate change” can confess their sins to NBC in one of six categories: plastics, meat, energy, transportation, paper and food waste. Previous visitors’ climate “sins” are posted anonymously, in case you need inspiration or can’t remember how you last violated the trust of Mother Nature.

As criticism of the green movement increasingly points out its cultish aspects, NBC’s online confessional is providing some quality ammunition. But it’s not the only element of the green movement that has religious underpinnings. Carbon offsets are little more than a 21st century version of the papal “indulgences” purchased by wealthy sinners to offset their evil deeds and grant them entry into heaven. The trend toward consuming flavorless sludge like Soylent and insect-based foods to save the planet by punishing one’s own tastebuds is reminiscent of those medieval religious devotees who wore hair shirts to mortify their flesh.

With the movement’s Joan of Arc Greta Thunberg in the lead – seriously, mainstream publications are unironically calling her Joan of Arc – children worldwide are mounting what some have termed a crusade, demanding their parents fix the planet lest the world end before they have a chance to grow old.

Those parents – and everyone else in their generation – are socially forbidden to criticize Thunberg because of her age and mental disorder, and NBC’s climate confessional seems to be a peace offering, or a gateway drug: if you can’t beat them, join them. “Confessions” have a limit of 130 characters – you don’t have to tell your life story – just admit it, say you’ve been bad, and say 40 Hail Gretas.

In Sweden and other parts of Europe, Americans are told, people are already avoiding air travel, lest they be accused of hogging more than their fair share of carbon emissions. Millions of little Greta acolytes reportedly take to the streets every Friday, striking for climate – never mind that most children will seize any opportunity to take a day off school, no matter what the cause. And this phenomenon, Americans have been informed, is coming to the US, whether they like it or not.

In New York, Mayor Bill deBlasio has officially excused kids from school next Friday, so long as they participate in the climate strike. Thunberg has already chastised Congress for refusing to take “meaningful action,” as if that was something Congress did on any other issue.

“Flygskam” (flying shame) could catch on among the 40-plus percent of Americans who can’t afford to take vacations, but more likely they will continue to save up for an airborne getaway. For those who can afford to fret over the recyclability of their straws, however, a promising new religion has landed on US shores in a racing yacht owned by the royal family of Monaco.

And like the medieval church, the green movement has a major sideline in getting rich. We Don’t Have Time, the tech company that made Thunberg a star, has attracted hundreds of investors by launching a “social network for climate action” that will essentially evaluate businesses based on the quality of their greenwashing PR.