Many people who grow up in a religious household end up leaving their faith behind as they get older. For a lot of us, the things we were taught as children just don't continue to serve us into adulthood.

Kl Yuen / Getty Images/iStockphoto
ADVERTISEMENT

See how Relay compares to radios.
Relay is a communication device just like a radio. But better!
Sponsored By Relay
But even though the healthiest choice for some is to move on from those teachings, they can be so ingrained in us that we're left feeling guilty about behaviors that are actually very normal, and our mental health can be impacted in small and large ways.
I am not saying that all religion is bad, but I do think it's important to talk about the ways it negatively impacted us so we can find ways to heal.
That's why I asked the BuzzFeed Community to share their stories about the things they still struggle with after leaving organized religion and how it's impacted their mental health. Here's what they had to say:

1. "Speaking up to men. I grew up going to a very conservative Christian school, and never saw a woman pray or speak on religious matters in mixed company until I left. Even our Bible classes were separate, so the boys could learn about theology and leadership, while the girls made scrapbooks about their 'dream weddings.'"

Simon Potter / Getty Images/Image Source
"I was taught men led the household in every aspect, and that it was the woman’s job to be 'the helper.' So now I feel self-conscious when I assert myself in front of men, and that I am 'undermining' my partner when I am bold around him (even though he has never even insinuated such a thing). I catch myself apologizing for being 'too much' too often, when I know I shouldn’t even compare myself to others, I should just be my strong and bold self!"

—h3holdridge

ADVERTISEMENT

2. "I was taught that if you love anything more than God, he would take it away from you as a lesson. This literally taught me and others to have anxious attachment and to not fully love people because then they would be taken away from you somehow."
—Anonymous

3. "Sex. I don't believe in god anymore but I involuntarily feel dirty every time I have sex."

Christian Thomas / Getty Images/fStop
—nothingtoseeherejustcheesecake



"I used to believe sex was wrong, and somehow I connected this with religion, and I had a lot of trauma to heal around that for a while.

However, I went on to find out that it’s NOT true that 'religion says sex is wrong.' Coming to faith after a personal journey, I was able to understand and make sense of why premarital relations are discouraged, which is a huge difference. I now have healthy boundaries around sex and couldn’t be happier in my faith!"

—gemininorthnode



"What WASN’T 'bad?' I was taught that sex was wrong to the point where when I had my first sexual encounter, I was so overcome with guilt I became physically sick and almost vomited."

—f4bul0u5



"I’m 35 years old, single, never married, and still a virgin. There have been multiple opportunities to have sex, I’m curious about sex, and I think I want to have sex, but I haven’t met the right person/I feel immensely guilty whenever I think about acting on it. 'Purity culture' really messed up my head growing up, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to get over it."

— Anonymous

4. "Trusting my body’s cues. The church I belonged to taught that physical bodies were earthly and therefore controlled by Satan. You couldn’t trust your body’s signals that you were hungry, it might be the devil trying to tempt you into gluttony."

Kentaroo Tryman / Getty Images
"So you had to pray and be in touch with god to make sure you knew for sure. Same thing with wanting sex, sleep — anything your body does. I still really struggle to be connected with my body and am working really hard in therapy to trust myself."

— Anonymous

ADVERTISEMENT



5. "Standing up for myself. I was bullied pretty hard in elementary and middle school, including getting beaten up on a regular basis. One time, I came home after being physically dumped off my bike and then kicked repeatedly. I asked for help from my parents, but they told me that Jesus said to turn the other cheek."

Maskot / Getty Images
"So any time I was beaten up, that's what I should do. I was specifically told I was not allowed to fight back because Jesus didn't want me to. They also told me that, 'Kids don't just do that to each other, you must have done something to deserve it.' So yeah, it's really hard to stand up for myself after being told from ages 5-20 that I deserve to be mistreated by my peers."

— Anonymous



"Turn the other cheek — that all problems can be solved by loving more. These teachings caused me to be abused and think it was my fault for not forgiving and being accepting. 'Honor thy parents' — even when they're toxic."

— Anonymous

6. "Hugging the opposite gender; wearing clothes that show my shoulders or thighs; wearing anything more than mascara and lip balm. Essentially all the things I was taught to do or not do as a woman so that I didn't risk tempting my 'brothers' to sin."

Mixmike / Getty Images
—Anonymous

"I still struggle with guilt around my body/clothes. It got to the point that in middle school I just wore big sweatshirts and loose jeans every single day. Now, I love cropped shirts and leggings, but sometimes I still feel that twinge of guilt when I wear them."

—eeffr0177

ADVERTISEMENT

7. "Being Jewish is about observance and doing things that will help while you’re alive. My parents were observant but not restrictively so. They kept a kosher house, and we couldn’t 'mix milk and meat.' We went to synagogue on the holidays, but that was basically it."
"The less-good aspects of being brought up in a Jewish home was the guilt. If I wanted to do something that might be contrary to my family’s convictions, I wouldn’t have a good time because I felt I was betraying them.

There was also a lot of, 'Your Nana didn’t get [insert disease] in steerage just for you to behave this way!' You know — 'kvetching.' A lot of fear about 'being taken away' or catching an incurable disease."

—tastymalaise